What if you’re going through a break up or something major?

FIF member Lisa went through a painful break up recently. Here’s an excerpt from her post:

“I have been going through the HARDEST time in my life. However, I’m taking it day by day-loving myself, trying not to go into my old emotional patterns. I am still choosing happiness over suffering in silence.”

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Break ups are tough but you can get through it and trust that you’re going to come into a new phase of your life that’s even better. Here are two things that you can decide to believe:

Choose to feel good right now!

I asked my mentor Walter what he would tell somebody if they were going through a break up … And Walter helps people who go through major emotional crisis. He said,

“Just be OK with who you are, no matter what that is. Most of the problems is because we don’t feel like we are OK. Then, we get in our head. Instead, just feel OK with who you are, so you are free to experience whatever happens around you instead of thinking in your head how fucked up you are.”

It’s easy to get into our head and focus on everything that’s wrong with our lives. For some reason breakups make us want to feel the pain more and more. Have you noticed that? But what you want to do is get yourself out of the hole immediately. Because learning this skill to get yourself out of the hole when you feel like shit is a very valuable thing to be able to do. Don’t you agree?

What I want you to do when you’re feeling like you’re going into the hole, even if you’re not going through a break up, is to notice when you’re using disempowering language.

We tend to use disempowering language when we are suffering. We say things like:

“I’m not lovable.”

“Who is going to want me?”

“I don’t want to be alone.”

“Am I really good enough to get the life that I want?”

Basically, we believe whatever we tell ourselves. So why not tell ourselves something that empowers us. So how about something like:

Do I have many things in life I want to learn?

Does learning and growing make me feel like I’m alive?

Can I create an unlimited number of opportunities if I decide to get involved?

Is it my choice to feel good?

Do I have many people who love me?

Are there many people that I love that I can give love to right now?

Is it true that we are the most fulfilled in life when we give to others?

When I am suffering, I cannot give…

So can I choose not to suffer and give to the people that I care about?

What do you think?

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