when we keep beating ourselves up

Kristen Top 3 Uncertainties:
– Continuing to find work after one job
– My next steps and getting to them
– I care too much about what others think

– Failure
– Not feeling important
– Not satisfying myself
– Putting myself down and not feeling accomplished
– Not being able to really support myself
– If I am as good as I think I am

Is this what I am really supposed to be doing and is it right for me?
What if it doesn’t work out?
What will people think of me?

Janet Urban in reply to Kristen 
Great job! Now, the questions are supposed to be “empowering” questions. around each fear.

I’ll do the first few and you can do the rest.

Fear I’m gonna fail. Is it OK to fail? do I learn every time I fail? What’s going to happen if it doesn’t happen right away? Am I going to turn into a pumpkin? Do I have people who support me? Do I want to learn this stuff? Do I have the right to be there and learn? Do I live in the US of A and get to have an amazing life, living, learning, loving, and pursuing what I WANT?!

Fear of not feeling important: Who is the one choosing to not feel important? You are! Has anyone ever told me, “You are not important.” In fact, isn’t there evidence all over that proves that I am important. Isn’t my importance determined by what I give anyways? Doesn’t my giving make me important? Doesn’t me loving others make me important? Can I do that? YESS!!!!!

Fear of not being satisfied: Who is choosing not to be satisfied? You are! Can I learn from every chance I get on set? Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that interesting? Can I get some incredible experiences under my belt, and then decide to do something else? Yes! You can do whatever you want!

What do I want to do now? What do I want to learn? Who do I want to meet? What kind of experiences do I want to have?

So, now you can do a few empowering questions around each of your fears!!! ;-)))


My uncertainties:
-Putting myself down and not feeling accomplished
– Not being able to really support myself
– If I am as good as I think I am

-Haven’t you already accomplished so much? Do you really have a reason to put yourself down? Aren’t you the one that has a say in your life and what happens?
-Don’t you know you’ve had the training? Can’t you do whatever you want? Haven’t you been through so much already?

Janet Urban in reply to Kristen
My favorite is “Aren’t you the one that has a say in your life and what happens?”

Not just in what you do, but how you think! Right?

You are the one deciding to listen to your old thoughts, or choose new ones. Hey, it takes time. Be easy on yourself.

We are so hard on ourselves. I see a little of that in your empowering questions, “Don’t you know you’ve had the training?” how about, “How can I apply this training today?” “What other empowering questions can I ask myself?” and keep going.

We are retraining our mind. We don’t want to beat ourselves up. But we do get certainty from that. And if others give us sympathy, then we can get significance from it. Then, we will keep doing it because of that. IT’s just a cycle that must be broken. That’s all.

It all makes sense why we do it. But once you see what you’re doing, it doesn’t run you anymore.

You can catch yourself and say, “ah ah ah, little darling. You are being hard on yourself again. What can you give to the world today, being your loving, happy, empowered self? Who can you make feel good? What can you learn? What can you do today?”

Empowering questions. These make you give an answer that puts your mind in a new place. What do you think about that?

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